:S

Australian Idol is ruining all my favourite songs

sometimes i hate tv..

(turns back to tv to while away more mindless hours in the hope to stop day dreaming)

Mmm... chai.......

Your Score: Chai Latté

If you were a drink, you'd be 65% alternative, 32% caustic and 52% playful. Mmm, tasty.

So, we all know that people aren't beverages, and trying to drink other people won't end well for anyone. If you were a drink, though, I think you'd be a Chai Latté.



A sweet, black tea with milk and an assortment of spices, a chai latté is the perfect choice for anyone who wants tea, but wants something a little bit more unusual as well. Like you, chai teas are soothing, but they have a refreshing sweetness to them as well (for the record, this is the category I scored in, so I think you're awesome :D).



In other words, you measured as more alternative than mainstream. This may mean that your tastes, views, and attitudes are a bit more left-of-centre.



You also measured as more gentle than caustic. This may mean that you're a less aggressive person, that you're generally calmer than most people, and that you are better at keeping a level head in most situations.



Finally, you measured as somewhere in between serious and playful. This may mean that you have found a good balance between being introspective and analytical, and being a bit more outgoing and silly. It may also mean your sex drive registers somewhere towards the centre. I had to group both of these areas under one variable.

hmm... test thingies

You Are:

The Window Shopper (Random Gentle Love Dreamer)

Loving, hopeful, open. Likely to carry on an romance from afar. You are The Window Shopper.

You take love as opportunities come, which can lead to a high-anxiety, but high-flying romantic life. You're a genuinely sweet person, not saccharine at all, so it's likely that the relationships you have had and will have will be happy ones. You've had a fair amount of love experience for your age, and there'll be much more to come.

Part of why we know this is that, of all female types, you are the most prone to sudden, ferocious crushes. Your results indicate that you're especially capable of obsessing over a girl you just met. Obviously, passion like this makes for an intense existence. It can also make for soul-destroying letdowns.

Your ideal match is someone who'll love you back with equal fire, and someone you've grown to love slowly. A self-involved or pessimistic woman is especially bad. Though you're drawn to them, avoid artists at all costs.

---

not sure about that little caution at the end... avoid artists?!?! Looks like Missy and Jess are out of the question then hey? :P hehehehe

My friends

are the most beautiful people in the world :)

shame

do you ever feel really crap about something you've done? or rather, hadn't done?

how disappointing it is, to tell yourself that you are one type of person - honest - and to realise that it's all a load of crap, when it really comes down to the crunch, you can't be honest to save yourself, cos you're too scared, too scared of what people think, too scared of what you'll have to explain, too scared that maybe your own certainty isn't enough, too scared and too insecure and too bloody cowardly to just open your mouth and speak the words you so loudly claim to be truth and your beliefs when you're hiding behind a screen, hiding amongst those that you know won't criticise, hiding behind that fear that you might not be as sure as you always say you are...

I'm really sorry. I always say that my friends mean the world to me, and I always talk about how much I appreciate your honesty, and I always say that I would not deliberately hide things from you - and yet: today I proved what a shit friend I am.

If I could turn back time, I would go back to that moment on the bridge and I would be completely honest with you and say all those witty and clever things that came to me after, and I would try as hard as I can to make it the least uncomfortable a situation that it could have been, and I would trust that you would laugh with me and trust that you would still love me and still be honest with me and I would trust you to forgive me for being such a shitty friend all these years....

I'm sorry :(

ROCK is HOT!

Ok, so I have only done item number one on my to do list but the day is still young. I intend on going for a nice long walk in the sun with wet Taxu before I settle back in and tackle giant mountain of clothes/cds/books.

So last night. Last night was the BEST night I have had in aaaaaaaaaaaaages! To start, I got to chat with an internet friend who had kind of disappeared for a while, which made me super duper depressed because she had been my muse of late, and so that was fun, to have words again flying around and getting me thinking and typing/writing again. I can't really remember what we were talking about, everything and nothing, talked about writing and art and music and myspace and facebook and other random tangents that flew our way. The thing I remember most is my "slightly" stalkerish behaviour of googling where she lives.. now surely it isn't an issue if she has already given me her address?!? ok... maybe I should not google random internet friends to find out where they live..... I promise I'll try not to do that again :P

Then, it was off to Ernie's to pick him up for the lovely, the wonderful, the most enchantingly beautiful Jesmaq gig. Ok, so it wasn't very much fun arriving at his house when he wasn't home, nor was it fun to trek into Yarraville WITHOUT my jacket to get money, trek BACK to his house, then get a call from him telling me he was actually at a nice bar enjoying a couple of drinks - then trekking BACK into Yarraville again this time WITH my jacket. But Acqua e Vino is a funky place and we got to tease him about his crush(es) on the barstaff. So all was fine and dandy :D

Northcote Social Club. Footy. Footy fans. Dinner was ok. Jesmaq was AWESOME!!! And I mean, totally, mesmerisingly, astonishingly, mindblowingly AWESOME! She's gone all rocky and she's GREAT at it!!! Totally cool. For someone who never had any formal training in music, she totally blew the stage and my mind. Can't wait can't wait for this next album, her new songs really kick ass and ROCK! She was shining and having a great time and it showed and it was wonderful to see her. Smiles all round there. I got my hug, I got my kiss, Ernie stole a poster and got it signed with a message we can't read. All was going super :)

I have to say, I have been really down the last few weeks (in case you couldn't tell)- everything is boring, nothing is inspiring. Watching Jess was inspiring. I don't think Jess is the best singer/songwriter/musician/whatever. But I think she's fabulous. And I love the fact that I discovered her on my own. I love the fact that I have been able to watch her grow as a musician and improve and love the stuff she does over the years. I love that when I watch her, and see how one's person's passion and determination can touch others, I feel like I could do it too. Sometimes you get kicked in the guts, sometimes you get kicked in the guts again and again, and sometimes you kick yourself in the gut, but every kick in the gut is something to learn from, something to grow with, something to bloom from.

And it's never on your own.

The night didn't end there ;)

Ok, so I admit, I am a little glued to the internet screen lately. So ok, I got home around 1ish? I don't actually remember looking at the time. It was after midnight some time, and even though I had spent ALL day online already, I decided that since the big bro wasn't home and I wasn't feeling particularly sleepy, why not check my email and maybe see if any of my european friends are online to chat with.

No emails and no european friends online. Instead one of my uni friends was online so we started chatting and I swear, it was the most fun I have had online in such a long time.

So I went to bed smiling :) And I woke up smiling :D And the sun is shining and I feel absolutely bubbling today. I can feel the hum............ start.

I hope, that somehow, through these electronic vibes and tip-tapped words, that at least a tiny portion of my JOY has reached you. Because you know I love you all so much and I want you all to share in my smiling days and I want you all to be smiling too :D

xx

ps. How hot are rock chicks?!?

you can tell the state of a person's mind by

the state of their room?
or you can at least, with me :P
I have decided.
A big plan of action is required: Tomorrow is my big clean up.
List of things to do:
1. Wash the dog.
While the dog is running like a mad wet little tassie devil around the house trying to pick up as much dirt as possible:
2. Dig through giant mountain of clothes on bed, wash all that need washing and iron/hang up all that need putting away.
3. Put all cds back into original cases (if they exist) and re-organise back into alphabetical order and make sure to yell at anyone (including self) who messes up this order in future (mots likely not self).
4. Remove everything from desk.
5. Sort through all the mountain of paper and books into what needs to stay on desk (ie. current uni materials) and what needs to go (ie. uni material from three semesters ago).
6. Take a break. Have a Kit-Kat. Maybe take the dog for a walk... depending on how much she looks like she'll enjoy a romp in the mud...
7. Go through drawers and make new room (regardless of how impossible it may seem) for more books/paper/stuff that doesn't need to be on desk but needs to be within easy reach.
8. Start sadly packing away novels into boxes.
9. Remember to remove books that belong to other people and put in a prominent place on desk that says: RETURN TO OWNER.
10. Decide how to send promised big red book up North.
11. Write a letter to accompany big red book up North.
12. Write a to do list for the rest of the holidays.
13. Try to stick to list...

Jesmaq TONIGHT!!! YAY!

somedays

somedays are better than others
somedays are better than lovers
:P
sometimes i think all i ever really do is regurgitate the things i like
nothing is original
nothing is mine
but Kathy Acker did that
and made a career out of it

Acker's not a role model
although i did like that Alice in Wonderland piece..

this afternoon i sat here so completely flat
i wrote witty emails with dry sarcasm to try to convince myself that i could convince my friends
that all it is is boredom
that calm between storms of passion

then a friend suggested long drives
and i imagined the coast
summer

another friend suggested a long heartfelt chat
and i imagined
a good ol' cry
supported on a comforting shoulder
of course

i just feel so completely empty

countdown:
four weeks
four days
four hours

~.~

The Tops - Kat Frankie

"better not to look down
together we planned this
i said if you made it
it won't change a thing
but you're not here
to tell me you need love
you're trapped in the midst of
your own infamy

but can't you see what it's like
and see what it means
for us for all for you and me
and i'll explained what it's like to hope
that
easy come is easy go"

sometimes

it's like
tea

love song for the debauched

it's those moments that make you gasp, that quick, sharp intake of breath,
"the messy parts of relationships..."
sigh

Evermore, Kat Frankie

don't shed a tear for me, i know i am the one to. make you bleed. for. me
baby tell me now or never i am the one this is forever you. will. a. gree
lo-ver, do not pro-test, tell me the truth it's for the best
did you know that now and then i swear that i will never. breathe again.
lover promise you won't go far, i'll be waiting outside in my car
watching your house for signs of life
never thought i'd be so certain as you drew across your curtain
you. are. the. one
ba-by, you make me ma-ad.
i gotta let you know i'm gonna let you go
it breaks my heart to hear you cry, i caught my death when looking in your eyes.
fill my heart with song and let me sing for evermore
you were all. that i long for
worship and adore
every night i play my part, i pray with all my heart
that. we. will. never be. apart.
yeah you called for me to save i turned away and left you at your grave
ba-by
yeah cos when your cards are down there's no one there to lift you from the ground
mmm...
i know. your heart ski-ips.
gotta let you out so it can let me in
i'm hanging on your every word but silence was the only. sound i heard
fill my heart with song and let me sing for evermore
you were all that i long for
worship and adore
every night i play my part, i pray with all my heart
that. we. will. never be. apart.
baby all i wanted to do was be the one desisting you
and on the day i buried you i cried because my dream came true
and i know through my force of will
that you think of me always still
i'm swallowing my bitter pill
if i can't have you no one will.
fill my heart with song and let me sing for evermore
you were all that i long for
worship and adore
every night i play my part, i pray with all my heart
that. we. will. never be. never be. apart.

oh

there you are...
now i feel stupid
:S

Where are You???

and i mean,
in both virtual and real space
not that they are in any way in opposition
tomorrow i have a date with philosophy
i think i'm out of my depth

something like paranoia is playing at the back of my mind
fear of exposure
and yet
desire for total vulnerability

and here i am
vulnerable
waiting, waiting
where ARE you???
fuck.

are you within my reach?

dates

what significance does a date hold?
i went to see a lovely lovely movie last night
about music and tortured artists and the beauty in simple love
just a date?
i haven't forgotten:
time keeps passing, passing, as it does and it sweeps me along with it and i don't know what to do, or how to do it and i don't know what to say or how to say it, and i don't know what i want or why i want it...
she told me last night that you can see more stars in the southern hemisphere than you can in the northern hemisphere... i had never noticed that.
i thought about those blank skies i watched every night at my window in Lyon.. wishing..
i thought about the magnificently lit night walks with sister Mary..
i thought about a tent, silent days and nights, exhausted bodies, waking you..
i thought a lot about time and i fell asleep wondering what to write..
these tired nights empty of meaning have stilled my crooked pen
good night sleep tight sweet dreams until the sun beams
xx