Anticipate

It's dark and it's cold but the night is young.

I pull on my boots and my favourite jacket and look at myself in the mirror before I go. The person I see surprises me. There's a certain satisfaction and pride in the way she's dressed. I don't often feel so comfortable. So confident.

I jump in the car and drive.

I have the music up loud.

The route is familiar. But it's been a long time since I've come this way.

I love the drive. There aren't many cars on the road.

When I pull over, there's a slight sense of disappointment that the drive is over.

But I'm also excited. My heart rate rises. As I get out of the car, the wind is stinging cold, but I like it. I'd say it wakes me up except that I'm wide awake. Sleep is nowhere to be seen. I feel a buzzing on my skin.

It's quiet here.

I start walking up the sandy track that leads up the hill.

It's not a hard walk, but I work up a sweat as I make my way up to the top. I'm blushing, but it's dark and there's no-one here to see. The cool breeze is welcome now.

I reach the summit in just over ten minutes. Not too bad, I think to myself and remember all the times I'd been before. I'm flooded with memories of the past, both real and imagined.

The abandoned church stands ominously proud above the city lights below. I feel safe sitting under its shadow on an all too familiar bench. I take a deep breath. I close my eyes and listen to the world keep moving on all around me. I have stopped.

I wait for you.

This place is mine. My haven. My pause in the soundtrack of life. I want to stay here in anticipation of you.

If you come, I'll ask you to come here and stand in front of the light.

Stand still.

So that I can see your silhouette.

And I hope that you have got all night.

Cos I'm not done looking at you yet.

We don't say everything, that we could. So that we can say later, oh you misunderstood.