dream or nightmare

I had a dream last night/this morning where I was in the True Directions program, the homosexual rehab thing from 'But I'm a Cheerleader'... It was somewhat amusing but also quite scary.. I always find the idea of putting together a whole group of gay people to "cure" them of their gay-ness quite silly.. I mean, seriously, isn't it just a great big opportunity to find each other? Then I dreamed about fighting off a vampire who was awfully close to sucking the blood from my neck, and while I was holding him off, I tried to reason with him, and I asked him why he wanted to do what he wanted to do, and he said something I don't remember, probably "because I'm a vampire" and then I remember thinking, "of course, that makes heaps of sense" and then I got too tired of fighting him off so I just let him suck my blood instead... and then suddenly I was stuck in a car and my phone kept ringing and I didn't want to answer it anymore, and then I was out of the car but in this sort of labyrinth-type castle thing where everything was sandy-coloured and I was running around looking for someone but I couldn't find them....

I'm really tired. And my ego is a little hurt. But aside from that I'm ok... It feels a little like I am on a roller-coaster. These last two days have been fun, the theatre stuff, I've actually enjoyed quite a lot and I love the people, and I've realised once again that in spite of the stress and nerves, I really do like to work and get stuff done. Ok so the work itself isn't exactly stimulating but well... I dunno, at least I'm doing something and meeting people..

But I also feel really emotionally drained.. I keep finding myself in the same situation and I feel so stuck, and sometimes I have to wonder if I really just prefer it like this, or if I've grown so used to it that I just keep repeating the process because at least here I'm familiar with the surroundings...

So confused.. :S

So much I want to do but can't and lack the courage/conviction to.... I'm all for believing but....

Sydney friends arriving tomorrow. It's gonna be a big week. I just hope I don't burn out before then..

Ok, gotta run

ciao xx