bridge

how to discuss the disappointment i feel toward myself?
it sits so heavy
not unlike the lump in your throat that chokes you before you cry
but in the chest
where you used to think your heart should rest
when you were little and everything was symmetrical and centred
and stable
and thoughts like this didn't even cross your mind
that you could give up, or worse
risk
all that you have
for...?
nothing...
where's the logic in that?
it was so pretty sitting up here on the fourth floor pretending to be ok
pretending it'll all be alright
pretending it isn't ripping your mind apart with fear. worry. desperation.

how to live how to live
to love living
when i can't live
can't live up
to all the hype
to all that's in my mind's eye..?